Legendee Coffee Beans ($17)

You may have heard of that really expensive coffee that's supposed to be super-mellow because it's first eaten and then—gack—pooped out by these little wild animals, whose digestive juices take out some of the coffee berry's natural acids. Upsides: amazing coffee, supposedly. Downsides: hella expensive, and also see "pooped out of a little wild animal."

That's where Legendee coffee comes in. It's coffee that's been taken through a synthesized enzyme process to mellow it out, but which is at no point fed to an animal. So, you know, the taste of poop coffee, but without the poop coffee expense. Also, without the poop. Man, that should be their slogan.

From Trung Nguyen.